In this special Valentine’s Day episode of the AllPaths podcast, host Emily is joined by her husband, Andy, for a candid conversation about the impact of fertility and family building challenges on relationships. Now 20 years into their marriage and parents to 13-year-old triplets via IVF, they draw on their own experience to answer a series of questions submitted by the community regarding the strain family building can place on a partnership. They tackle the difficult realities of the process, which they describe as a “0 out of 10” experience that fundamentally redefines one’s understanding of being a partner and forces couples to reckon with constant, high-stakes stress. By addressing these listener concerns, they hope to help others navigating the “utter grind” of treatments feel less isolated in their struggle.
The discussion dives deep into the impact of medicalized family building on communication, intimacy, and grief. Emily and Andy address community-submitted queries regarding the “profound sense of powerlessness” often felt by non-carrying partners and the frustration of receiving a diagnosis of “unexplained infertility”. They offer unflinchingly honest reflections on the pressure of “scheduled sex,” the self-consciousness that arises when a partner feels their body is “failing,” and the friction caused by different grieving styles. The couple shares practical strategies for maintaining connection, such as carving out intentional time to enjoy being with each other without talking about family building and using long walks to facilitate difficult conversations. Ultimately, Emily and Andy emphasize the necessity of approaching your partner with curiosity rather than assumptions and treating each other with grace throughout a process that can fundamentally change you as a person. Wherever you are on your journey, this episode provides validation and offers an honest perspective on prioritizing connection.
Resources for navigating family building with a partner:
- The Arc of Sex and Intimacy During Family Building
- We’re Not on the Same Page
- Find a mental health provider
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