In this moving episode of the AllPaths podcast, we sit down with Katie Gilliam, a Massachusetts mom and community advocate, to discuss her complex and emotional journey to parenthood. After an initial PCOS diagnosis and a difficult encounter with a fertility specialist who labeled her “the problem” due to her body size, Katie and her husband Chris achieved a successful pregnancy through IUI. However, their joy was met with devastation at a 19-week anatomy scan when they learned their daughter, Elvira Claire (Ellie), had a severe brain abnormality called holoprosencephaly. Katie shares the heart-wrenching choice to terminate the pregnancy at 23 weeks, a decision she describes as her first as a mother, to ensure her child would never experience the pain and suffering her condition would have caused during her brief life.
The episode explores how Katie navigated the “absolute agony” of loss by leaning on support from AllPaths and pursuing genetic testing, which ultimately revealed a family mutation that helped other relatives navigate their own family-building journeys. Turning toward a new chapter, Katie details her subsequent IVF journey at Brigham Fertility, where specialized embryo testing led to the birth of her daughter Francesca, who is now a “wild” and thriving toddler. Now the Community Engagement Coordinator for The Lemon Grove, Katie reflects on her parenting after loss, the importance of mental health support, and the necessity of reproductive agency during traumatic family-building events. Her story is a powerful testament to the resilience required when navigating a “Plan Z” path to family and the power of sharing your story to help others feel less alone.
Katie Gilliam is a fat, queer, neurodivergent mom and story lover. Outside the home, she works as the Community Engagement Coordinator for The Lemon Grove: Doula Agency & Perinatal Wellness Collaborative. She is passionate about nourishing the soul, body, and mind through community building, cooking, and life long learning. Katie advocates for all bodies in parenthood and fiercely supports others in their shared journey to take up space. She is the founding member of a social justice book club and active community member in Salem, MA where she lives with her husband, child, and dog.
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