Guest Post by Dana Solomon, AllPaths Board Member
In the summer of 2019, at age 30, I was shocked to sit in the office of a Reproductive Endocrinologist and be told I should pursue IVF to start our family. I couldn’t believe this was “happening to me.” I felt so many things but overwhelmingly I felt immense shame.
For the next 6 months, I kept IVF a secret from nearly everyone in my life except about 5 people. I went about my daily life as if my body wasn’t bruised and my mind wasn’t in battle. Showing up to work, friends’ weddings, and family events, all without a hint of the weight of the challenges we were facing. I wanted to have no known association with being a fertility patient. I wouldn’t even follow fertility accounts on Instagram or post in Facebook groups for support out of fear someone I knew would see me and “out me” as an IVF patient.
IVF is a dark road in itself – there are twists and turns, wins and losses, and good days and bad days. Doing it alone, in fear, in shame makes the road that much darker.
After a successful transfer in January 2020 and welcoming my son that fall, I began to reflect a lot on my journey as an IVF patient. I remember vividly after delivering my son after a very long, complicated labor saying “I did it! I did it!” and it wasn’t just the labor I was talking about. It was the entire journey – the true privilege to be an IVF success story who was able to transfer and carry a healthy baby into this world. After I had my son, I transitioned from feelings of shame to immense pride in my IVF journey. I was able to be a resource for friends who faced a similar journey, support internet strangers with my experience, and share my story to help others not feel so alone.
I was already feeling a pull to support the fertility community in a bigger way – to fight against the stigma and shame so often associated with family building – when I had the opportunity to join the AllPaths Family Building Board. I am so grateful to have served on the board for nearly three years and to have the chance to ensure this vital organization can continue to support, educate, and advocate for all people working to build their families.
Walking in 2023
The Footsteps for Family Building walk is the ultimate opportunity to celebrate, take pride in, and reflect on the journey of family building. It is an incredible honor to walk in this event with my husband and my son, who wouldn’t be here without the advancements AllPaths has made possible over 50 years. From being afraid to follow my own fertility clinic on Instagram to proudly walking with my IVF baby, the walk is an annual reminder of the beauty in this journey and that there is no shame in walking along this path.
Wherever you are on your journey, I encourage you to join us in-person or virtually on October 6th at the Footsteps for Family Building walk to walk proudly among this beautiful community and support an organization that is helping so many along their way.