In this episode, Kristy Koser, a licensed professional clinical counselor specializing in reproductive mental health, shares her family building journey. After years of struggling with infertility and experiencing multiple miscarriages during IUI and IVF cycles, Kristy and her husband eventually welcomed their daughter via surrogacy in 2017. Because Kristy and their gestational carrier lived close to one another in rural Virginia, she was able to be intimately involved in the process, attending every doctor’s appointment and “vicariously living” for nine months. Kristy describes the experience as beautiful, but acknowledges the emotional and financial complexities she had to navigate. She struggled with the “mental load” of asking for help from a busy working mother and figuring out where she fit into the equation of her own child’s birth. Financially, the couple relied on personal savings, “side hustles”- including a TTC greeting card company Kristy started – and a GoFundMe supported by their extended family.
After the birth of her daughter, their family moved back to Ohio and began considering a second child. Kristy reached out to her original carrier to see if she was available, but learned the woman was already preparing to carry for another family. Because they were unsure if they wanted to use a different gestational carrier, the couple began exploring the foster-to-adopt process. Shortly after, Kristy had a “wild, vivid dream” that her carrier was pregnant with another one of her children, but she soon discovered that she was actually the one who was pregnant. This came as a major surprise, as she had previously been told she likely could not carry a pregnancy herself.
Kristy’s pregnancy occurred during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, which meant she experienced much of it at home with limited medical contact as appointments were scaled back. In August 2020, she gave birth to her son via an emergency C-section. Despite a difficult recovery, she valued the experience because it was something she never thought she would get to have. She now uses this experience with many different family building pathways to inform her work. From her PhD research, which examined how fertility treatments impact couple satisfaction, to training other mental health professionals on how to navigate the complexities of the fertility world, Kristy is dedicated to helping others navigate the challenges of family building with resilience.
Kristy Koser, PhD, LPCC is in private practice in Ohio, Pennsylvania and Virginia and is an author, speaker, and educator on the topic of reproductive mental health, trauma, and loss. She has been invited to speak, collaborate and contribute to the growing field of reproductive psychology many times over the last decade. Dr. Koser is a Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist and Supervisor and has written extensively in peer reviewed journal articles and other outlets about infertility and the impact on the couple relationship. She has presented on EFT at numerous professional conferences around the world and has been an avid consultant to other therapists wanting to know more about incorporating EFT into their practice. Dr. Koser has created several self-help courses for fertility patients and along with her colleagues created a successful educational course with PESI that is available to professionals world-wide. Dr. Koser teaches a 10-month postgraduate fertility counseling course that is a fundamental first step for any mental health professional considering working with this population. In addition, Dr. Koser has contributed countless blog posts, guest lectures, and more recently several book chapters in foundational fertility counseling texts with Cambridge Press. She is an active member of ASRM and her specialty areas include working with couples during and after fertility treatment and the transition to parenthood.
Interested in sharing your story? Get in touch here!
